From Performer to Creator: My Journey Home
I’ve lived a satisfying creative life. I don’t know where I found the courage or drive, but from a young age, somehow the spark of creation edged me on to follow my dreams — to use and express my creative gifts, entertain, sing, write, perform and teach.
It was unimaginable for me to exist without this expression of myself. Even when it was tough, and with all the uncertainty of my industry, nothing stopped me. The pursuit of my dreams was relentless — in a good way. I guess it formed a major part of my identity.
As a performer, I could express things I may not have otherwise been able to freely express — especially through song. Singing was everything to me. The joy, pleasure and beauty of hearing my own voice move through and out of me in such a miraculous way was magical.
It gave me a sense of freedom. Of connection to something far greater than myself.
I guess the singing, acting, and songs were a mask in a way. I could dive into my deepest emotions and unleash them on stage in front of unsuspecting audiences. I could reach the depths of my brokenness, sadness, joy, pain and love — and sing it out into the world. Something I couldn’t fully do in my personal life, which often left me feeling small and powerless.
For me, it has never been about ‘entertainment’. It was always purposeful and guided from within. I guess that’s why I never fit the mould the music industry wanted me to. They want to box you in, package you. The alternative? They tell you you’re unmarketable without a chosen direction.
“You can’t be everything.”
Are you pop, or theatre, or cabaret, or jazz, or classical?
I was always multifaceted as an artist (and as a person and business owner), so it was hard for me to narrow myself down to one genre and get across who I really am as an artist. Which is someone who just wanted to express herself — and could easily (and rather happily) move from one musical style to another without effort.
No one was ready for someone as flexible as me. And especially not Australia — they just wouldn’t bother with anyone who didn’t fit neatly into a single genre.
I dreamt of going to the States where I knew they would sign or encourage artists like me. And I tried. But I didn’t get a foot in the door. Without relocating, it was hard. And that wasn’t something I was really prepared to do.
So I stuck it out in Australia.
Cabaret, TV shows, theatre, concerts, jazz ensembles, corporate function bands, weddings, parties — anything. I tried it all.
And somehow had even seemed to manifest exactly what I wanted.
I sang on the biggest national TV variety shows, wrote and staged my own works, appeared in my all time favourite musical, performed in concert halls and theatres across the country and overseas.
It was just amazing. A dream.
But some of it was not, as I started to grow weary of the other side, the grind of making a living as an artist. The shitty gigs and crappy pay offers that also continued to come my way despite my success — as though you should also be grateful just to have the opportunity to sing and perform, instead of being respected for the immense talent you are.
Tall poppy syndrome is alive and well in Oz.
One day, at the height of my career, I grew tired. Tired of the whole thing.
I pulled back from performing and concentrated on my coaching.
I love coaching other performers.
With my wealth of experience and training in so many diverse areas of performing, I was able to really help a lot of people. And I did it solidly for years. (I still do).
But something began to change.
The satisfaction I received from all of this somehow began to fade.
Something within me began to stir.
Is there something more for me?
I didn’t want to keep repeating the same cycle. I wanted to feel deeply lit up again.
I felt like I was meant to offer something more — more than just being a great singer or voice coach. But I didn’t know what. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
So I went on a journey. A soul-searching journey.
One that was hastily moved along by the sad death of my mother and the end of my marriage.
There were years of much pain and shutdown.
But in that time, leading with both my adventurous and broken heart, I explored new things. I wanted to heal — but more so, I wanted to understand how I arrived at this point in my life.
This wasn’t what I had planned: grief, despair and confusion.
In my search, I discovered my body on a deeper level — this incredibly complex and nuanced body that cradles our soul.
I connected with it in a way I never knew.
Deep somatic and embodied practices helped me understand this instrument — my body — on a level I had never known. I learned how to listen to it, unblock it, clear it, shift things, release things, and hear what it had to say. How it wanted to guide me, rather than me guiding it.
And a new relationship began.
It was a revelation.
As I sifted through trauma, pain, suffering, the impacts of decisions, relationships, habits, beliefs, and life choices I’d made (and allowed along the way), I found myself — my true self — buried underneath it all.
Someone who had not allowed herself to be fully expressed as a woman, a wife, a family member, a friend, a person. A smaller powerless and limited version of myself.
I now understood myself as a whole being.
Not me, Danielle, as an identity — a singer, a teacher, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a business owner — but me as a whole being.
I now knew myself, energetically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically… and of course, physically. And I harnessed these new found powers.
I shifted things internally and went from existing in survival mode — living in ‘doing’ mode — and began to understand the opposite:
To live in a ‘being’ mode.
A receptive mode.
Where I could just ‘be’ and receive life.
I started feeling differently in my own skin — more at home, more peaceful, more free.
I had found the other side. I had found balance and wholeness.
True creativity.
I realised I am a powerful creator.
Suddenly I felt grounded as I navigated a new way of being in this world.
Everything changed — my relationship with others, with myself, my work, and life itself.
My eyes and heart opened to a new reality. A new way of being.
And I was liberated — from the bondage of life as I knew it.
One conditioned by society, culture, family, experiences, circumstances… even by myself.
A conditioned, almost brainwashed life.
And I finally understood true creativity.
I learned how to live a truly creative life.
It was as though I had found some superpowers that only a few on earth are privy to. But they are real — and I continue to use them to this day.
I now spend my days not so caught up in the creative pursuits of my singing and performing talents — but rather the larger pursuit of creating a wonderful life, of which singing is a part.
Every day, I am intentionally in a creative state of being. Listening, sensing, tuning in to my soul’s desires and truest expression. Learning to healthily say yes and no.
My body and my new-found knowing are teaching me how my soul can live — happily, abundantly, joyously, fruitfully, powerfully.
I receive the information and I move in the direction that is truly expressive and authentic to my highest level of living — regardless of what’s going on around me.
And I’m astounded by my powers.
By what I’ve been able to release — and what I’ve been able to manifest as new.
Everything from clarity, steadiness, power, peace, certainty, happiness… to amazing opportunities, wealth and even material things.
I get clear about my highest good, my biggest dreams, actionably focus on it and let life unfold. Balance.
Every day, I choose to create a life I love.
I stay connected to my internal compass — which is the true creator of my life — and I shut out the old conditioning as much as I can.
I gear my life toward health, happiness and vitality. I stay focused on living my true nature — not one dictated by others.
I now know myself on a deeper level, and it’s wonderful.
I know the formula for achieving this way of living.
And I love sharing this message and helping my clients and followers find it too.
Now, I rest in a life that’s satisfied — knowing I’ve lived out many of my dreams and created a beautiful life where I can continue to explore new ways of expressing myself, that are true to me.
Like… being okay without an identity.
Being okay with sometimes doing ‘nothing’ or being a nobody in life.
And letting that be enough. Not striving. Not pushing. Not proving. Just allowing.
Super challenging for someone who thrived on the image of busyness, achievement, success and perfection most of her life!
Now I rest more. Soak in more.
I listen and slow down and wait to receive.
Exploring what may arise — rather than forcing things to happen.
Then I can take action that is more aligned with my truest, most authentic expression and desires.
Don’t get me wrong, it can be very challenging.
Especially when my old conditioned self wants me to fall back — or I habitually refocus on my old ways of showing up in this world.
Most people around me aren’t experiencing this new level of creative living I’ve encountered. So they have no idea what I’m up to. It can be a lonely place.
Resistance still rises up.
But such is the power and freedom I now feel inside — there is absolutely no self-doubt. Only certainty of the path I’m on.
And I’m excited to keep following it.
Even if I’m alone in my journey.
I have some creative friends who are on a similar path, but this way of living is unique.
And staying true to your own desires, your guided intuition and freedom to powerfully choose your life — i.e. CREATIVITY — is the only way to be.
Thank you, Creator.
Thank you, Creativity.
I look forward to the next chapters of my quest in life.
x
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